One of the most significant realisations I recently had when it comes to protecting our wellbeing, is that we are entirely responsible for meeting our own needs.  

The reality is that no one else is going to prioritise your needs and place them at the top of their list. That's because everyone is so focused on their own goals, needs, responsibilities and lives, that it's unrealistic and actually unfair of us to expect others to know when our plate is getting a little too full for us to handle it all. More importantly, if you find yourself repeatedly blaming others for your repeated run-ins with burnout, brain fog, or breakdowns, I strongly believe these experiences are opportunities to stand in your power, re-evaluate your priorities, and decide how much you're willing to give going forward. 

We've all been there, thinking others will take care of us – our teachers, bosses, friends, or family. But here's the truth: No one knows your needs better than you do. No one else can magically ensure your self-care, manage your burnout, or guarantee enough time for your well-being.

When we rely on others for our wellbeing, we unknowingly give away our power. Life becomes a passive journey, and we expect external forces to fulfil our basic needs. We need to be setting healthy boundaries and realistic expectations of how much we can give to others without leaving ourselves empty. We need to proactively prioritise time to recharge our batteries and carve out moments both big and small for self-care. 

One example is a friend of mine who seems to always find herself in roles where she is working for bosses who take advantage of her time. The job's hours are significantly longer than she initially anticipates, which often means that she gets home late, misses quality time with her children and even works weekends. She rarely has a moment to see her friends or spend time with her family but this isn't keeping her boss up at night. Needless to say, she strongly dislikes her job, though she chooses to stay where she is and cycles through frequent colds, emotional breakdowns and bouts of burnout. Every time I see her, I leave our catch-ups hoping she will one day soon learn to protect and value her own wellbeing enough to make a change.

When our schedules are full, and our time and energy is limited, something has to give. The problem is, like my friend, for many of us, that something is our emotional and physical wellbeing, as we long for that precious opportunity for self-care and to live life to the fullest. It can be hard to reevaluate our priorities, set boundaries, ask for help, change jobs or professions, and start putting ourselves first, but if you don't place yourself at the top of your priority list, in my opinion, it comes at too great of a price to pay. 

I've experienced this dilemma over the years and as I look back on my days as a student, I realise that the heightened anxiety I felt in my final year of high school was definitely caused by a lack of work-life balance and a desperate need for adequate sleep, rest and regular self-care. While I wish this important realisation would have come sooner, it was only recently that I reached my breaking point and recognised my own people pleasing tendency and habit of entrusting my wellbeing in the hands of others.

To give you the short story, a little over a year ago, I was offered the opportunity to work full-time on a project for another company. The job ran for a total of three months and it was the first time I found myself working for someone else since my PhD days just over 10 years ago.  Initially, I was excited to embrace a change and to be part of a larger team. A month into the role however, I found myself sitting at my desk at 7am on a weekend, sobbing, as my husband Adam walked into the home office. I was overly stressed because the founder of the company - and now my boss - was piling on the work and the hours I initially expected were turning into very early starts and night-time meetings. I also think there was some miscommunication around what my responsibilities would be, as I don't think I was very well suited to the tasks I was being asked to carry out. What's more, it wasn't the most organised company either, and as someone who thrives on structure and routine, I found myself struggling. Not surprisingly, later that week I ended up terribly sick with a bad flu that kept me in bed and stopped me from being able to do anything for several weeks. It became clear that the early starts, evening meetings, increasing workload and additional tasks that fell outside of my job description were going to continue so long as I chose to stay on and be part of the project. At first I blamed the others for making me burn out, but then I realised I needed to take responsibility for my experience and accept the fact that I signed up for this role and it was me who chose to use my weekends to try and get everything done, rather than speak up and try to set some important boundaries. It simply wasn't going to cross their mind that I need my mornings to myself and that 6am meetings were draining my energy and sabotaging my focus for the remainder of the day. Or that my evenings are for unwinding and not for attending 8pm meetings.  

While it isn't one of my most favourite times to look back on, it taught me a valuable life lesson and has helped me live more intentionally, especially when I am considering taking on future work opportunities. Now, one of the first things I ask myself is, 'will this support the life I am focused on creating?'

It's an important reminder that the power to transform your life lies within you, waiting to be unleashed. Living a successful life requires us to create a life that supports our wellbeing, and in doing so, only then can you show up fully in each area of your life and get the best results. 

I hope that going forward, you'll remember that you are the most important asset in your life and that it's up to you to stand in your power and take charge, because no one is better equipped to meet your own needs than you.

With love and empowerment,

Jess x