I used to think that if I’d been through enough hardship, surely life would give me a pass. That after working through anxiety, panic attacks, and even PTSD, I’d paid my dues. That if I healed enough and prepared enough, I could somehow prevent more challenges from happening. And truthfully, I carried that belief into motherhood. I chose an elective cesarean because I was terrified of traumatic births. I thought that if I controlled the circumstances, I could control the outcome…and maybe even control life itself. But life doesn’t work that way.

I’ve learned, sometimes gently, and sometimes painfully, that adversity is not a detour from life. It’s part of it. It’s woven into the human experience, whether we feel ready for it or not. And as much as we want to protect ourselves (and our children) from anything that could hurt or shake us, we can’t. We can only do our best. But life will still life.

After welcoming our beautiful son into the world earlier this year and then experiencing the hardships of postpartum anxiety and depression, what has surprised me most is the way adversity transforms us. It doesn’t just knock us down. It cracks us open. It reveals strength we didn’t know we had. It pulls courage from places we thought were empty. It softens us toward ourselves and expands our empathy toward others. It shows us what matters, and it teaches us to let go of what doesn’t. Every hardship I’ve walked through; mental health battles, unexpected struggles in early motherhood, the moments that shook me, has reshaped me. Not into someone harder, but someone more human. More compassionate. More awake. We don’t level up only through the joyful chapters of life. We grow through the challenges too. We expand because of the cracks, not in spite of them. 

So if you’re walking through something hard right now, please know this:

You are stronger than you think. You can endure more than you imagine. You are allowed to be human and still be resilient. And it’s okay to take it one breath, one moment, one small act of kindness toward yourself at a time. Hardship doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re growing. And you’re not growing alone.